Oh what a night, and I am not talking about the Frankie Valli song, I'm talking about the formal last weekend my fellow bloggers and I attended. If you are a follower of this blog, you know that Emma Watson turned down my invitation to this formal. What you didn't know is that Scarlett Jo also turned down my invite... However, my brilliant mind came up with a solution! I random selected a follower of this blog and asked them to go with me (luckily at that point we only had one follower and it was an attractive female.) However this just goes to show you, following this blog has its rewards.
Despite being turned down by two women for this formal, I had very high hopes for my night. I picked up my date, got dressed and drove to dinner, which is exactly where my night took a horrible turn. Ironically, I decided not to order a messy sandwich for dinner because i was scared of spilling on my nice clothes; instead opting for a neat wrap. My first bite into this supposed "neat" wrap and I knew what it must have felt like to have got "gaked" on the old Nickelodeon game-shows, sauce all over me, tie ruined. My date ran to my aid and was able to salvage my dress shirt, but it was too tale for my tie.
We returned to my room after dinner where I threw on a backup tie and was described by my date as looking "semi-respectable." In order to come to terms with the fact my outfit had forever been ruined, I began to drink heavily. It is at this point that my buddy, who IS NOT a terrorist but looks similar to Bin Ladin, decided it was a good idea to sneak attack my dress shirt with alcohol; for the second time in an hour, I had been "gaked."
Shirt ruined, already on my backup tie, it took every once of handsomeness I have (which believe me is a ton) to come out of this incident looking presentable, or at least "semi respectable." Finally, with only a shirt and tie as casualties, we all headed to the formal. The best way to describe this formal is an even mix of dancing, drinking, getting your picture taken and drinking (yes I know I said drinking twice, it probably deserves more mentions than that.) Needless to say, after a few captain and cokes and a "vodka cranberry" that weirdly was clear and tasted exclusively of vodka, my night was over....
At this point it is tough to distinguish between fact and fiction, but I will do my best to try. My date and I left the formal at around midnight with another couple. My date and I headed to the on campus bar to keep the night going while the other couple headed out on their own adventures. After opening a tab for absolutely no reason and ordering a pitcher of beer for myself, of which i drank none, I decided it was time to head back to my room. Passing an ambulance, a cop car, and a crying male, I arrive safely in my dorm.
It is at this point my date's version of the night and mine greatly differ. Although fairly drunk herself, my date (wrongly) assumes (note: she assumes, has no proof) that we changed, I lost her cell phone and then we went to bed. Obviously, someone named Goldfinger does not end his night as lame as that weak story, so here is what really happened... We arrived in my room and I turned on some music; my date, overcome with my looks and a fair amount of alcohol began to sexually strip, taking off her clothes one item at a time. After that, I decided to hide (not lose) my dates phone. After catching a fair amount of heat for the missing (hiding) phone, I smoothed things over with what was described as "the best sex ever." After my date proclaimed "you have ruined me for all other men" I decided to call it a night and fell asleep.
A sober friend later told me I was sleeping on my couch that night while my date was in my bed; I find this story weird and obviously false so I choose to completely ignore it, opting for my version instead. So that is the story of Goldfinger's formal, I may have lost a shirt and tie in the process, but i would not trade that night for anything.
And here is my Youtube video, these people can do some pretty amazing things; but probably nothing as impressive as looking "semi respectable" in a backup shirt AND tie...
Much Love,
Goldfinger
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