Recently I made two bets involving my beloved Buckeyes against fellow Big Ten opponents. Normally I do not like to gamble, but as the movie “The Hangover” taught me “It’s not gambling if you know you’re going to win.” This got me thinking however, besides the Buckeye’s giving up less than 12 points at home, what else in life can be considered a “sure thing?”
Initially, the presumption is that when something is a “sure thing” it is inherently good; however, the more I thought about it, the more I realized something being a “sure thing” is not necessarily positive. So, my central thesis, the topic that this post will revolve around, is that being a “sure thing” is negative in almost every situation.
Gambling:
I have already mentioned gambling when talking about a “sure thing” and no surprise, when you think of a “sure thing” in gambling your eyes light up and you see free money. But after 4 years of Economics in college, one of the only things that stuck with me is the idea that there is no such thing as a free meal; a.k.a nothing is ever free. I’d be willing to gamble (haha see the irony there) that more often than not a “sure thing” in gambling leads to disastrous results. A sure thing in gambling is usually only the result of illegal activity (think Black Sox). I’d be willing to bet (more irony!) that more often than not the “sure things” backfire and people either lose tons of money or end up in prison.
Women:
Once again, on the surface this seems like an inherently positive trait. A girl that is a sure thing means you don’t have to take her on dates buy her food or drinks (well maybe the occasional drink or 8), but besides that you are home free, literally. Once again, the longer I thought about this the more negative qualities I began to notice. If I were to poll 10 guys and ask if they thought it was a good thing to find out that hot chick at the bar was a “sure thing,” all ten and perhaps even some that just overheard the question would answer assertively “hell yes.” However guys out there, I want you to think really hard about that… is a girl that is a “sure thing” always a “good thing?”
Now I have not had sex ed since about the 7th grade but I do seem to remember learning something about STD’s, and I don’t know about you but I would prefer that it didn’t hurt when I pissed, and I would prefer not to have red painful shit all over my wang; and STD’s may not be the worst part! Some STD’s you can get rid of, but the government frowns upon it when you try to get rid of a child. (Granted there are legal options around this, but I will not get into that here…) Think about having a child. I don’t know where all of you are in your lives, but that would be pretty rough for me right now. So before you go hook up with that “hottie” at the bar think about this, is one night of fun worth risking my penis? I think you would answer “probably not.”
Death & Taxes:
Benjamin Franklin once said “nothing is certain but death and taxes.” Those are two “sure things” in life you cannot escape. Both of those things sound fucking horrible to me. I kind of like my life right now and would prefer for it to continue, and I kind of like my money right now and would prefer to keep it. This topic is pretty self-explanatory so I see no need to continue.
So, after reading this post, I think I successfully defended my thesis. Sure things in life often seem awesome, but really, they kind of suck. Isn’t life a little more enjoyable not knowing what is going to happen next? Apparently this post was me being a philosopher, perhaps I have matured as I have aged. I kind of feel gross about the lack of inappropriate subject matter in this post and the minimal swearing. So here’s hoping my next post will be filled with “fucks” and jokes about boobies and dicks and all sorts of funny, immature stuff.
P.S I want to thank everyone who has come up to me and complimented me on the blog, I think it is crazy people actually read this let alone enjoy it!
P.S.S I have to thank one of my followers Alexis Lindem for proof-reading this. I have brutal grammar so I need someone to help. Now that you know following the blog has benefits, feel free to do it too!
So Until Next Time Everybody, Thanks For Reading,
Andrew
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